“Know-it-alls may have a cluster of personality characteristics, including impulsivity, poor listening skills and an inability to read social cues. These could be symptomatic of certain mental disorders, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or narcissistic personality disorder,” says Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Linda Lewis Griffith. My husband and I are married for more than a decade now, and as far as our relationship is concerned, I never thought I would consider myself someone that tries to manipulate my partner. I know I am considerate at all times and I properly make my decisions positive as much as possible. However, complications arose recently when my husband broke down and complained about a lot of things. I was clueless even after the divorce. That’s when I questioned myself if I’m actually a bully.
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A relationship can go with the saying that “if you love someone, you’ll have to learn to accept all their imperfections.” Well, that is quite applicable to some degree. However, not all imperfections are acceptable, and most of the time it needs proper handling especially when it’s turning the relationship upside down.
Sometimes, we often think that there’s always dominance when it comes to a relationship. The fact that most of us consider ourselves a genuine partner makes it easy for us to tolerate such actions. However, there’ll become a problem when such abuse is present, and it creates a lot of complications when our emotional, physical, and psychological aspects are at stake.
“Having a bully in the home stresses the entire family unit,” said Fran Walfish, PsyD, therapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent. “It can even strain marriages.”
Women are perfectionists when it comes to relationships, and as much as they want, they have this sense of responsibility to handle almost everything. They feel that they have the power to control things and use them for their benefit. However, not all women consider themselves controlling and abusive. So how would you know if you married a wife that turns out to be a bully? Here’s what you need to know.
A relationship is something that requires your full commitment. You have to consider a lot of things and make use of the factors that make you develop your well-being. But what if you have the kind of relationship that makes you feel anxious and depressed in a lot of ways? Then perhaps it’s time that you consider the signs that you need to get out of that kind of connection.
One of the nastiest things about bullying is that it doesn’t only exist in schools, it also can take place in other places you never thought it would be. And a great example of that is the workplace. Yes, you’d think since people are already adults they’re mature enough not to bully others. Well, you’re wrong. Bullies in the workplace are those who repeatedly criticize, embarrass, humiliate, and invalidate the achievements of their workmates.
“Bullying is a form of abuse,” says social psychologist Gary Namie, PhD, founder of the Workplace Bullying Institute and author of The Bully-Free Workplace. “It has a neurological impact, flooding your brain with hormones that impact your memory, decision making, and your emotional regulation.”
Have you encountered someone like this in your place? If so, then that person is a workplace bully.
One of the worst things about bullying is that it happens everywhere. I was bullied at school and even around the neighborhood for having a huge head and a thin body. I kept telling myself to ignore them, but they didn’t go away. In fact, I think I gave them more reasons to taunt me. The bullying went on for years, and it only stopped when I went away to college. But even though the bullies eventually went away, they left effects that I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. It’s hard, and there were definitely times where I wished I would stop existing, but I didn’t give up. Even though the things they did to me left me having depression and anxiety, I didn’t let go. Now looking back, I would like to share some of the things I did that helped get through one of the darkest chapters in my life. I’m not saying that they will be practical for everyone, but they were for me so I am hoping that maybe I could help make things better for someone out there. And if you think you’re that person, read on.
Acknowledge What Happened
Ignoring your bullies will not make them leave; I learned that the hard way. Most victims of bullying follow the “ignore them” and “just stay away from them” methods, but those don’t work always.
“Clearly, ‘intent to harm’ starts us down the slippery slope—perhaps more slippery than imagined, for it not only involves the purported aim(s) of the bully, but the equally subjective determinations of that intent by bystanders and authority figures,” wrote Laura Martocci, PhD. “Their perceptions –the corresponding, discretionary counterpart of intent–undeniably guide any adjudication of claims to have been bullied.”
Sometimes you need to face the issue head-on so you can think of a solution or a way out of it. That’s what I did, and it allowed me to make a plan on how to make things better.
Tell Yourself It’s Not Your Fault
It is essential. Never let yourself feel like you deserve the act of bullying. It is not your fault, it never was. Bullies target people who possess something they hate or want to have. They love the feeling of being in control so take that away from them. Be in charge of the things they make you feel. Never let yourself get defined by the things they tell you. You’re not the problem, they are.
Susan Heitler, PhD, asserts, “Do not minimize the incident.” She says that for parents, it is important to “[s]ay explicitly that what the bully did was not right.”
There’s No Shame In Getting Help
I tried to fight the bullying alone, but I failed. If there’s one thing I indeed learned from the whole experience, that is that there is no shame in asking for help. Luckily, a couple of my friends and family were there to fight for me and put the bullies in their rightful place. Did the bullying stop? No, it did not, but it gets lessened because they know I’m not alone.
According to Miki Kashtan, PhD, “Those who have someone to talk with, even in the context of serious abuse, have far greater chances of managing their adult life in a way that works for them, even if nothing can be done to change the circumstances.” Don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially now that forces are working on making it more available for anyone who is getting bullied.
These are just some of the things I did that helped me survive to bully. It’s hard, but as long as you have the strength and hope that things will eventually get better, they definitely will. It’s a cliché, I know, but I’m going to say it anyway – hold on and you will get through it.
If you feel that you are in a situation where you are ripping your hair out because of the stress building up from your daily life, and you don’t know what to do anymore, always remember that there are possible solutions that might help you get through with the struggle. It may not work for everyone, but it will inevitably create a positive impact on a person’s lifestyle. Here are some tips on how to balance your work, relationship with other people, and your personal life.
There are times in our lives that we encounter bullying. Though we might think about how damaging it can be, there will be those days that we want to change the situation whenever we can. It’s undeniably true that a person will want to have the ability to get things back on track and move forward with it. But the decisions we do can sometimes end up on things that shouldn’t happen.
There will come a time in our life where problems and stresses will take over our subconscious level. Since our mind occupies a lot of different things, we might be able to have complications in dealing with our stressors. However, the power of positivity can make a validation on improving a person’s relationship, career, and life as a whole.