Every parent wants nothing but the best for her child. As a mother, your ultimate goal is to see to it that your beloved kid experiences love and happiness at all times. However, some things are beyond your control. There will come a time when all your efforts to keep him safe and sound would still not make him feel protected. Unfortunately, other factors can hurt your child, which will make him feel indifferent to his friends or family members.
One of the pressing issues that your child may be involved with is bullying, which usually happens at school. A recent study shows that bullied kids do not report the unbelievable acts committed by the bullies in the fear that they will appear weak. “They may worry that admitting they’re victims will disappoint their parents,” says Jerry Weichman, PhD, licensed psychologist.
At the same time, they are also hesitant to talk to their elders because of the potential harm that they will receive once the bullies find out that they have been reported. For this reason, it becomes more difficult for parents to find out what is going on. Susan Swearer, PhD, says, “About 60 percent of children don’t tell their parents when they’re being picked on at school.”
If you ever discover that your child has experienced bullying from his classmates or schoolmates, the first thing that you need to do is to talk to your kid. Make an effort to explain to him why bullying is bad and why he should have informed you about it earlier. Never approach the bullies without talking to a teacher or any officer-in-charge of the school. The best and ideal way to deal with the problem is to keep your cool. Focus on helping your child recover from the unfortunate event instead of planning on how to get back to the bullies.
At this point, it is vital to highlight that a bullied individual is a sensitive one. It means that he has a high tendency of getting offended or feeling harassed by the words he hears from others. Hence, it is essential on your part to be careful when it comes to talking to him. As much as possible, think twice before you will open your mouth. What you say can affect him in so many ways, which is why you must be careful.
Here are some of the lines or sentences that you must never say to a bullied kid:
“What Did You Do To Make The Bullies Hate You?”
These words are hurtful for it makes the bullied victim responsible for what the bullies did to him. At the same time, it is as if you are telling your kid that he is the reason why he was subjected to an embarrassing situation. Keep in mind that no matter what the reason is for bullying, the said act is still unacceptable. Stop blaming the victim. What you must do is to find a way to make him feel loved and appreciated. You must not end up being another bully that cause more emotional pain to him.
“Why Did You Not Fight Back?”
There are several reasons why your kid chose not to stand up against the bullies. For one, “bullies thrive on the back-and-forth dialogue,” says Peeper Davanzo, LCSW. Do not forget the reality that the bullies can cause intimidation and harm. Therefore, it will not appear or come as a surprise if your child felt afraid of how the bullies treated him inside the school campus or in other public places. Something inside your child wanted to fight back, but he could not do it because of fear and violence. Asking him why he chose not to can remind him of his weakness.
“You Must Act Strong At All Times.”
This line is another way of showing to your child that he is a weakling. The best thing that you can do for your kid is to show him that he is a tough individual. Let him know that you find him amazing and fantastic at all times. Remind him of the fact that he can be strong in such a way that you will not sound imposing. Otherwise, your child will never recover from what happened to him. He will lose his confidence if you continue to insist on this matter.
“Say Sorry To The Bullies”
While your intention of making amends between your child and the bullies is admirable, do not forget that your child is the victim in the situation. He is not the one who is supposed to say sorry to the bullies. It is the other way around because the latter has caused damage and harm to your child. They are the ones responsible for the emotional or physical pain that your kid has suffered for days or even months. Because of this, it is only right and just for them to apologize. Forcing your child to do otherwise will only make the situation worse.
The most important thing that you have to do is to let your child know that you have his back at all times. Show him that you love him for who he is. Never become one of the bullies in your child’s life.