Category: Overcoming Bullying

A lot of my friends say that I am mean, rude, and disrespectful. I don’t care. They can say whatever they want because I feel better about myself when I am like this. I find myself powerful, unpredictable, and full of confidence in such ways. I agree to them that I am not a genuine person. But honestly, I am not trying to be one. I might as well stay as a bully because I love the power of controlling things and people. It makes me alive. Or so I thought.

I Don’t Want To Feel Weak

I am a bully because I do not want people to know I am weak. I do not like the feeling when someone is hurting me because I know that my inner self will not be able to handle it. I want to stay as a bully because I can hide my weakness. I can make people believe that I am capable of everything when, in fact, I am afraid of lots of things. I am a bully because I cannot accept the fact that I have more imperfections rather than desirable qualities. I am an individual who wants to gain validation in whatever circumstances. “Every once in a while, in a particularly vulnerable person, the despair or rage or both erupt into violence, either against the self or against the whole school, and only then does school bullying become an issue to the larger community,” Peter Gray, Ph.D. wrote.

I Am Lonely

I am a bully because I cannot find happiness on things around me. People question my existence and judge me for being me. It makes me lonely because society wants me to become one of them. I bully people because I want them to notice me, regardless if it appears negatively. I want to feel that I am not alone, that is why I make sure that when I bully someone, that person never forgets about me. I tend to like bullying others because it makes me feel that people who can recognize my existence surrounds me. I am a bully because I believe that I am better off with this attitude. “Our emotional lives are a bit like wells. In order to invite more positive feelings into them, we have to get rid of the negative ones,” Marilyn Price-Mitchell, Ph.D. says.

I Got Bullied

“To say that we are inclined to act on a particular feeling is not to suggest that doing so is always advantageous or appropriate. Or, to put the matter differently, we have evolved feelings that are useful to us in most circumstances; but not all,” says Fredric Neuman, M.D.

I am a bully because I experienced getting bullied by others too. I am all alone, and no one dares to save me from the miserable and unfortunate circumstances that I was having. I realized that when I become one of these bullies, I can guarantee another life for me. I can become powerful so that no one can harm me anymore. I am a bully because I do not want to get bullied again. So instead of me trying to fight these people, I choose to become one of them. I came up to the realization that instead of getting hurt, I might as well sacrifice others’ emotional and mental state so that I can save myself.

I am a bully because of my choice and that is the answer I need to get rid of the thoughts of confusion as I put it to question: “is bullying a mental disorder“? I know people will never like me, and they will never accept my reasons for becoming like this. I am not going to push myself towards their approval, either. But honestly, if I were given a chance to change things, I would. I am too tired of acting tough because deep inside, this bully is dying.

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One of the toughest times in teenagers’ life is finding the right circle of friends. Shirley Vandersteen, PhD, highlights the value of finding the right friends: “Good friends are vitally important to your mental health and to the quality of your life.”

Since there are a lot of diversities out there when it comes to personality and opinions, it becomes hard to look for those peers that appreciate values and respect one another. But even so, there are instances that young adults can identify which types of friends are best fit for them. As long as they have the standards of choosing which ones are beneficial to their overall development, there is a guarantee that they will have the best companions.

Loving The Imperfections

Is bullying a mental disorder? With society’s view on what is in and out, teens are fonder of giving themselves to those people who are not contributing a healthy environment for them. There are too much judgment and bullying that seem to control what types of friendship these young adults should choose. It is as if these kids are always trying so hard to look good for others and not considering their emotional and mental needs. With that, instead of loving their imperfections, they work so hard to change themselves only to be accepted by their chosen peers. In line with this issue, teenagers must realize that friendship is not about perfection. It is about loving everything about the person. It should not have to limit one’s potential of becoming himself. There must be an avoidance of judgment and bullying.

Accepting Individuality

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The concern with a lot of people is they try so hard to do everything that pleases everybody. With the current trend and social media impact, everyone wants to fit in. With that, most young adults get confused with their personality because there is a bit of a standard that seems to take over their right and wrong choices. So, instead of hanging out with people who are also lovingly different in their ways, most of these confused teens prefer to enter a circle that shares the same personality, opinions, and perceptions. That includes getting in the wrong direction. What these kids should realize is that being different is not a crime. And trying to be unconventional is something that is not shameful at all. The best circle of friends encourages each of their peers to become more confident with their individuality.

Shainna Ali PhD, LMHC, notes, “In a healthy relationship, your friend does not have to be your clone to understand you. Even when your differences are highlighted, compassion, respect, and empathy can help you to feel understood and are crucial in a healthy friendship.” If that is not the kind of people teenagers’ share their life with, there is a guarantee of undesirable growth.

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A great friendship is not measured by how much one can give to another. It is not about who gives more and who gives less. Friendship is something that develops, supports, and encourages people to become themselves. Meaning, there is a focus on lifting each others’ strength and not bullying them and destroying their confidence. Yes, finding these types of circles is indeed hard because no particular teenage group shares the same values as everyone.

Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, adds, “The investment we make in friends – both those who provide instrumental or emotional support – is well worth the time involved in building and maintaining these relationships. There is no price that can be placed on the security of knowing that people will be there for you when you just don’t feel up to being there for yourself.”

However, young adults should remember two things. If there is too much cultural toxicity, they should leave immediately. If there are self-growth and development, they must keep the friends they currently have.

One of the most predominant dilemmas of teens today is bullying. There is an estimated 25% of students between the ages of 12 and 18 are being bullied. Not one school is unaffected by it. Professionals who have dealt with this issue through testing, examination, and therapy have personally seen the harmful effects that bullying has done on a teen’s life. Is bullying a mental disorder? Therapists believe that teenagers and other individuals who were bullied need someone to talk with about their broken emotions. If they have absentee parents or no one else to confide to, there are plenty of resources for them on the Internet that can at least help them temporarily.

Oversensitivity Or A Personal Experience?

So what is bullying? Does it just happen to an over-sensitive student, or is it something subjective?

Bullying is a deliberately violent action that is targeted to a specific person. It is carefully and intentionally planned to harm another. Most doctors and mental health professionals describe it as using force to abuse or instill fear on others. For someone to be considered a bully, he must have an aggressive character and must also possess some kind of inappropriate power, a deliberate act of harming another person, and must do this action repeatedly.

Additionally, bullying can be performed in different ways, the most typical of which include:

• Scaring his victims
• Spreading gossip
• Physical, sexual, and verbal harassment
• Deliberate rejection from peers and other groups

Cyberbullying is a type of bullying that is very rampant among teens these days. It is the intentional and repetitive harming of a specific person through the use of electronic gadgets like computers and smartphones. This is a more convenient way of bullying because the bully doesn’t need to face his victim. He will only need to make an inappropriate or profane post on social media to embarrass or harass him.

Bullying is something of a sensitive nature, but sometimes, this is being overused. It is necessary to clearly distinguish the difference between bullying and impolite or offensive behavior. Dealing with mean or offensive people is part of almost anyone’s life experiences. On the contrary, bullying is deliberate, repetitive, and dangerous, and it must be stopped immediately.

“Bullying is more than just being mean; it’s hurtful and cruel,” explained Raychelle Cassada Lohmann PhD, LPCS. “People who have been victimized by bullying carry with them the scars of the past.”

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy For Bullying Victims

CBT is the most widely used therapeutic approach for people who are suffering from anxiety, substance abuse, and suicide. This is because CBT helps people understand their thoughts and emotions better. The approach also provides individuals with instructions on how to manage their actions, emotions, and behavior.

With victims of bullying, these teens often do not realize their violent behaviors and destructive thoughts. CBT guides these victims into utilizing coping mechanisms and learning to replace the negative patterns into positive ones. One of the techniques that are very helpful for bullied teens is positive self-talk. With the help of the therapist, the teen recites positive traits and things about him, slowly breaking the insecurity, self-doubt, and fear. Eventually, he will successfully be able to control these negativities and will not let them destroy him. He will have only positive ideas about himself.

Other potential benefits of CBT for teens include:

• Managing fears
• Developing good communication skills
• Shifting negative patterns and behaviors
• Competently challenge violent thoughts

About The Bully

Bullies, particularly teens, and adolescents, have a higher likelihood of engaging in hazardous behaviors. Studies reveal that bullying has been associated with academic problems, drug or alcohol abuse, suicide, family problems, and mental health problems in bullying.

Therapists can deal with bullies through different means and strategies. They can communicate with these students personally, one-on-one. Being able to understand the teen’s family background and the academic situation can sometimes help find answers as to why he is bullying others. Mental health professionals can also educate the teen on how to know the certain emotions that he is experiencing – envy, anger, and insecurity – and provide them with constructive ways to work through these emotions. Finally, they can assist the bully in learning self-reflection and understanding how his impolite and offensive actions may destroy someone’s life forever.

On the other hand, perpetrators need the care and attention too, and mental health professionals can walk them through realizing how they affect others and what the long-term effects of their actions are. The therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist, can then work with them on developing values such as empathy and discipline.

“Kids engage in all kinds of behavior that isn’t a reflection of who they are as a person,” said Jamie Howard, PhD, Stress and Resilience Program director at the Child Mind Institute. She added, “They’re still figuring things out.” It is the professionals’ role to help the bully because the truth of the matter is, they are just kids as well.

To The Parents Of The Bully And The Bullied

Parents are encouraged to communicate openly with their teens, thus creating an environment that is warm and accepting. They should be aware of the warning signs of bullying from the victim and the bully’s sentiments.

“I believe in general check-ins with kids,” Kristin Carothers, PhD, said. “If you want your kid to talk to you, you have to go and talk to your kid.” Both of these types of teens need help, and the first defense against this dilemma is for the parents to be more responsible for them.

 

 

As we all know, there are tons of reasons why a bully bullies someone. Sometimes, those individuals use those reasons to excuse themselves from the unpleasant behavior. Well, there are instances that they may get exempted from the wicked deed. But, as humans, we know they still deserve some punishments and all that. Because the more we allow them to do it repeatedly, they will never have the chance to learn their mistakes.  That instead of us addressing the bullies, our consideration towards them becomes the reason why they won’t stop. But before we take account any punishments; we need to identify first the reasons why these bullies won’t seem to quit what they are doing. Here’s a professional view from a psychologist.

They Are Spoiled Individuals

Most bullies are spoiled. They believe they can get whatever they want. There is no room for compromise, and these people don’t allow any adjustments on their part. Once they heed for something, they take it by any means. That includes the act of disrespecting and not considering other people’s feelings. Bullies always focus on themselves because they believe that persistence is the key to getting everything.

They Often Want To Show Off

In case you did not notice, most bullies happen to be the popular ones. That is because of their status matters. It allows them to show off and impress their friends without the fear of getting judged. The society already accepted that when somebody that everyone knows to throw an unwanted comment or do something below the belt, it is a validation of their capability. That because others see that person as a “bully,” he or she already gained the right to do so.

They Feel Bullied As Well

Bullies sometimes want to feel power because others are also bullying them. Yes, that is correct. Most bullies are genuinely afraid of something above them. “We know anybody can be a bully or a victim depending on circumstances,” says Stephen Leff, PhD. They become the persons they are because they suffer from severe emotional, verbal, or physical trauma. As for that experience, they want others to suffer the way they did. It is their way of telling that if their bullies are capable of hurting them, so are they to others.

They Don’t Realize They Are Mean

Yes, some bullies don’t know that they are hurting other people’s feelings. There are instances that the things they do are part of their personality. Sometimes, their aggressive actions are merely the results of their interaction with their family at home or with their close friends at school. But still, it is not an excuse to overly damage someone else’s emotional and mental state.

They See Others Doing It

One of the primary reasons why bullies are confident in doing what they do is because they also see others doing it. With that, it becomes a validation that their actions are acceptable in a predictable way.  There is this mentality that because some individuals get away with it, they can also receive an exemption card for hurting other people. Sadly, that is the way how things go. Most individuals live in a norm that when a lot of people are doing the act, others are entitled to follow and do it as well.

“It’s important for parents to think about how their behaviors might influence their kids—the way they speak to their children, the way they speak to their spouses, the way they handle anger—and to be realistic about whether or not this might be something that’s been modeled for the child,” explains clinical psychologist Kristin Carothers, PhD.

They Bully Others To Fit In

Individuals, mostly kids and young adults, think different when it comes to handling peer relationships. There is this pressure of fitting in to be able to feel wanted and accepted. By that, the challenge of gaining trust is something that requires multiple efforts. These individual see bullying as a way of winning friends. Because they are eager to widen their horizon, these young people focus on doing anything to achieve it.

They Want Attention

Bullies are attention seekers. They believe that they are essential compared to anybody else. There is this sense of entitlement to become the center of everything. They think they are better than others. These individuals crave for constant recognition. And when they don’t get it from others, they impose it.

“You’re feeding them, and making it more likely you’ll be cyberbullied further. Hard as it may be, if you ignore them and don’t respond, they’ll probably get bored, and move on to someone else,” says Elizabeth Laugeson, PsyD. These bullies don’t work hard for appreciation because they know they can take it by force.

Whether these bullies know or don’t know what they are doing, they better get reprimanded. Because if not, they will continue hurting other people.

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Friendships are tremendously vital during one’s teenage and adolescent years. They help the youth feel that they belong and they are accepted. Additionally, teenage bonds have shown to have a major impact on developing one’s emotional and mental health. They play a big role in creating a sense of identity aside from the family. Although it is a fact that these friendships can have a negative effect, more often than not, they have shown to provide a range of advantages for the youth especially in fighting against bullying. Continue reading Strong Teen Friendships Improve Emotional And Mental Health

54 million – that is the number of individuals who have signed up to a fitness center by 2014 – and perhaps to see an online therapist too. Conversely, statistics also prove that over 70 percent of the adult Americans are still overweight or obese in that same year, and this percentage will continue to grow if the people cannot find an effective way to reduce all the excess weight. “So the challenge is how to find a way to promote a healthy weight that doesn’t promote shame, self-hatred and unhealthy relationships with our bodies,” says Ruth C. White, Ph.D.

As an answer to this long-standing issue, below are a couple of unique ideas on how to lose 20 pounds within two weeks.

What Is Healthy Eating?

Healthy eating refers to an eating habit in which every meal consists of a wide range of foods that can provide the right amount of carbohydrates, protein, fat, sugar, vitamins, minerals, and water that the body requires to function correctly. For instance, if the person has a certain portion of meat, vegetables, and potatoes, bread, or rice on his or her plate, it entails that they eat healthily. However, it is the opposite if and when the person decides only to consume raw lettuce every day and nothing else. “We all have a personal responsibility to decide whether or not making “healthy” choices is important. If so, become educated, make a plan, and take action to adjust your purchasing habits and eating habits accordingly,” wrote Neil Farber, M.D., Ph.D., CLC, CPT, professor of psychology at Arizona State University.

How To Increase Metabolism?

Metabolism is a series of chemical reactions that take place within the system. It is responsible for breaking down the larger particles that go inside the body, mainly foods, into tinier molecules so that the nutrients coming from them become absorbed into the bloodstream. The metabolic process in an overweight individual is slow; that’s why the sugar and other energy-giving substances that they consume eventually turn into fats.

The only way to remedy this problem is by religiously following the diet courses written below that contain all the food varieties that, when eaten at the same time, can increase their metabolism.

Diet 1: Raw Foods And Carbohydrates

You can lose 20 pounds in two weeks with this diet because you will have to consume foodstuffs that are neither oily nor fried. The idea is that you should manage to eat any fruits and vegetables of your liking for 14 days straight to obtain the natural sugars and dietary fibers that assist in digestion. If that seems too much, you may alternate rice and soup with a low caloric level in some days.

Diet 2: Raw Vegetables And Protein-Rich Foods

It is a preferred option for the ones who feel as if their lunch or dinner is incomplete without meat.

You can shave 20 pounds off your current weight with this diet as long as the source of protein – which should weigh five to six ounces – gets grilled. The thing to keep in mind is that if you wish to reduce the fats only, you should stick to the leaner kinds of meat that can come from chicken, turkey, or fish. In case you want to turn your fats into muscles, you ought to have red meat instead.

The uncooked vegetables such as carrots and tomatoes are essential as well for reducing the weight. As mentioned above, the fibers they come with may help you metabolize food faster.

What Exercises Can Go With Your Diet Easily?

In general, the exercises that do not necessitate you to utilize different fitness equipment offer better results. Some of them include:

Running

This activity allows the heart to pump more blood and effectively increase a person’s metabolic rate. In truth, you merely have to spend less than an hour to burn 500 calories through running. It can get accomplished in the morning or after working hours.

Planking

There are many planking types known in the fitness world that you may try depending on how adept you are at physical exercises. Considering you can hold each position between one to two minutes (or longer) while keeping your abdominal muscles tight, it can affect your weight-loss journey significantly.

Burpees 

A burpee is a total body workout since it enables you to use every muscle when working out. After all, to make a single count, you need to squat, jump, and do a push-up respectively.

Final Thoughts

It hurts to hear body-shaming comments from people who think they are perfect. There may be moments in which you want to commit stress-eating because of that. “Those who promote fat-shaming often appear to believe that shame is the magic ingredient that will suddenly make dieting more palatable and weight loss more sustainable. Instead, what often happens is that the sadness body shame leaves in its wake promotes behaviors like binge-eating,” professor of psychology at Northwestern University, Renee Engeln, Ph.D. explains. However, it matters to accept if you are genuinely overweight so that you can lose the extra pounds sooner than later. Not only will it make the bullies stop harassing you, but your health can also get better.

Good luck!

Every parent wants nothing but the best for her child. As a mother, your ultimate goal is to see to it that your beloved kid experiences love and happiness at all times. However, some things are beyond your control. There will come a time when all your efforts to keep him safe and sound would still not make him feel protected. Unfortunately, other factors can hurt your child, which will make him feel indifferent to his friends or family members.

 

 

One of the pressing issues that your child may be involved with is bullying, which usually happens at school. A recent study shows that bullied kids do not report the unbelievable acts committed by the bullies in the fear that they will appear weak. “They may worry that admitting they’re victims will disappoint their parents,” says Jerry Weichman, PhD, licensed psychologist.

At the same time, they are also hesitant to talk to their elders because of the potential harm that they will receive once the bullies find out that they have been reported. For this reason, it becomes more difficult for parents to find out what is going on. Susan Swearer, PhD, says,  “About 60 percent of children don’t tell their parents when they’re being picked on at school.”

If you ever discover that your child has experienced bullying from his classmates or schoolmates, the first thing that you need to do is to talk to your kid. Make an effort to explain to him why bullying is bad and why he should have informed you about it earlier. Never approach the bullies without talking to a teacher or any officer-in-charge of the school. The best and ideal way to deal with the problem is to keep your cool. Focus on helping your child recover from the unfortunate event instead of planning on how to get back to the bullies.

 

 

At this point, it is vital to highlight that a bullied individual is a sensitive one. It means that he has a high tendency of getting offended or feeling harassed by the words he hears from others. Hence, it is essential on your part to be careful when it comes to talking to him. As much as possible, think twice before you will open your mouth. What you say can affect him in so many ways, which is why you must be careful.

Here are some of the lines or sentences that you must never say to a bullied kid:

“What Did You Do To Make The Bullies Hate You?”

These words are hurtful for it makes the bullied victim responsible for what the bullies did to him. At the same time, it is as if you are telling your kid that he is the reason why he was subjected to an embarrassing situation. Keep in mind that no matter what the reason is for bullying, the said act is still unacceptable. Stop blaming the victim. What you must do is to find a way to make him feel loved and appreciated. You must not end up being another bully that cause more emotional pain to him.

“Why Did You Not Fight Back?”

 

There are several reasons why your kid chose not to stand up against the bullies. For one, “bullies thrive on the back-and-forth dialogue,” says Peeper Davanzo, LCSW. Do not forget the reality that the bullies can cause intimidation and harm. Therefore, it will not appear or come as a surprise if your child felt afraid of how the bullies treated him inside the school campus or in other public places. Something inside your child wanted to fight back, but he could not do it because of fear and violence. Asking him why he chose not to can remind him of his weakness.

 

 

“You Must Act Strong At All Times.”

 

This line is another way of showing to your child that he is a weakling. The best thing that you can do for your kid is to show him that he is a tough individual. Let him know that you find him amazing and fantastic at all times. Remind him of the fact that he can be strong in such a way that you will not sound imposing. Otherwise, your child will never recover from what happened to him. He will lose his confidence if you continue to insist on this matter.

 

“Say Sorry To The Bullies”

 

While your intention of making amends between your child and the bullies is admirable, do not forget that your child is the victim in the situation. He is not the one who is supposed to say sorry to the bullies. It is the other way around because the latter has caused damage and harm to your child. They are the ones responsible for the emotional or physical pain that your kid has suffered for days or even months. Because of this, it is only right and just for them to apologize. Forcing your child to do otherwise will only make the situation worse.

 

The most important thing that you have to do is to let your child know that you have his back at all times. Show him that you love him for who he is. Never become one of the bullies in your child’s life.

 

We know that the deliverables of bullying are through physical injury. However, that doesn’t exclude the mental harm associated with the act. It causes emotional stress that in some cases, results in death. The victims are at risk of getting anxiety and depression, as well as psychosomatic issues such as belly pains, muscle aches, and headaches.

The mental effects of bullying hinder or stop the person from functioning. But not all side effects lean toward the victim alone. The abuser can suffer from overall severe health problems too. In most cases, the abuser experiences struggle in school, turns to substance abuse and engages in violent behavior as adults. Therefore, these psychological conditions from bullying are not limited to the victims but also to the bullies as well.

The Different Sides Of Bullying

The danger of bullying sometimes makes people dependent on their perception of reality. They see the world as something violent and evil. The worst part about it is that those who suffer from the act don’t tell anyone about their situation. And the ones who commit the act begin to enjoy doing it for no apparent reason. Both of them watch themselves get hurt, suffer, and feel pain.  Though they process a different experience of bullying, both of them are responsible for their well-being. Victims and bullies shut their doors and create another world where they can become someone they are not. One gets to feel the psychological pressure through physical and emotional discomfort. The other one suffers from physical and emotional distress due to mental illness.

As an intervention, “Many anti-bullying programs involve social skills training to help children manage their negative emotions in more constructive ways,” clinical psychologist Dr. Mike Friedman shares. “These programs need to be able to empathize with the goals of bullying and help provide additional options to achieve goals of social dominance and self-esteem.”

The Thoughts About Bullying

Is bullying a mental disorder or some people just might think that bullying is not a big deal? Some of them may consider it as something that kids frequently undergo. But is it? When it comes to any kind of physical and emotional damage, the mental health problems in bullying begin to break. Not because it wants to get rid of the pain, but rather to distribute it inside its system. Therefore, as the condition begins to affect a person’s overall balance, it slowly rips everything inside his mental health little by little.

This perception about bullying controls the people involved—both the bully, the bullied, as well as the bystanders and onlookers—in the situation. “Often, students may feel that they have to handle bullying situations on their own or that it’s their responsibility to change what’s happening,” PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center coordinator Bailey Huston, MEd, says.

Bullying is strong, and people already have that topic in their heads. They already think about it over and over again. In some unfortunate events, it becomes the foundation of their lives. It destroys everything that people want, it ruins their every little desire and damages their strong relationships as well. Every word and unnecessary actions can make someone feel dead inside. It was awful and horrible.

Victims of bullying often feel alone and hopeless. They see themselves as worthless individuals that are no good for anything. They get stuck in the idea that they are never going to be enough for someone. But believe it or not, those specifications are what the bullies also feel. Due to their uncontrolled emotional struggles, they use bullying as an escape to the things they can’t handle. They, themselves, can’t control the stigma of being left alone and unwanted. Bullies are sad individuals that long for someone to save them from despair.

“While not a popular view, bullies lack the skill, not the will, to behave better,” wrote associate professor and endowed chair in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, Stuart Ablon, PhD. “If we want to effectively address bullying, we need to focus on helping bullies develop the skills they need to not bully.